Imagine you are drinking a hot cup of coffee (or tea) at a remote location next to a big lake, being mesmerized by its beauty as the sun breaks through the clouds, shaping an unforgettable landscape.
You feel that strong outburst of freedom flowing through your body, allowing you to forget about your struggles, even if just for a short moment.
Sure your body may be aching due to that effort you put into climbing that hill earlier, or maybe due to that headwind that kept blowing you in the face for the last couple of hours, but what is a bit of discomfort if you live your dream, right?
Getting to know me
My life has been pretty stable in the recent years, I am a single man in my early 30s, working as a software engineer in the fintech industry, renting an apartment in the city center alone, able to afford the latest technologies, going on a vacation every now and then, and dining in fancy restaurants often.
I worked hard to reach it and had many highs and lows on the way. I am very grateful for all the opportunities that came on my way to afford a comfortable life. But, something has been bothering me ever since I can remember being myself.
Existential crisis
In modern society, we are usually expected to follow a specific path in our life since we are born, It may vary between countries, cultures, and personal experiences, but the general idea is the same.
You are going through kindergarten, then school, serving in the military (in some countries), studying in a college or a university, working hard toward a successful career, meeting your significant other sometime in between, getting married, having children, and eventually retiring.
For some people, this path seems ideal as it's comfortable and stable. But what if this whole architecture doesn't work for me? What if this is not what I want? What if I don't know what I want?
My answer was always evident, follow the path everyone does and make adjustments to fit me on the go.
I hated school but could do just good enough to pass all the exams. I never finished college but taught myself how to write software and landed a good job. I was getting bored with what I was doing at work, so I switched jobs every other year. Marriage? Never found the idea attractive. Children? The more I see how it affect others' life, the more I consider going childfree. Retirement? Don't make me laugh.
Meaningless routine
I suffered from depression for a significant part of my adulthood, which led to morbid obesity (which led to more depression).
Fortunately, It wasn't the kind that happened due to a tragic event, but something accumulated over the years.
I want to clarify that though sometimes the symptoms were more severe than others, I never hurt myself or anyone around me and could still function and keep my obligations.
I got professional help and was prescribed anti-depressants for a couple of years. I am convinced they do work and help many people, but from my experience, I didn't get the results I expected, so I stopped taking them.
It was never about wanting to stop existing but about not having a tangible goal to live for. I always enjoyed the little things in my life but couldn't accept the work-eat-sleep routine my life was rolling at.
I turned to escapism.
Living but not being alive
At work, I write software code solving complicated problems, and I like what I am doing as it always gives me the challenge to keep me engaged.
Occasionally, I take a glimpse outside the office window, which is on the 27th floor of a skyscraper, staring at the ships sailing on the horizon of the Mediterranean sea, sparking my sense of adventure just to remind myself to focus on my tasks and extinguish it moments later.
In the evening, getting back home to my lovely cats, trying to shake off all the stress and exhaustion, ordering a fancy meal delivery from various local restaurants, overeating, and calling it a day.
Every now and then, taking a couple of days off to recover by doing nothing productive, mostly napping and playing video games all day long or just traveling somewhere on my motor scooter.
Spending weekends with friends and family or having so much needed alone time to recharge always makes me feel good.
Imagine having the same routine for years. Sure, some things change, but the base formula stays the same.
I was living but felt dead inside.
Making the decision
"Hey dude, this is it. I will cycle around the world", I said to my childhood friend, Roman, during one of our casual walks. "I am still young, have no children who rely on me, and finally paid all my debts." "I dreamed of traveling the world on a bicycle ever since I was a child, and now I can finally do it!".
Roman didn't take long to answer, "Sure, go for it, follow that dream of yours." Whether he was sarcastic or not, I made up my mind that very moment. I will cycle around the world.
Well, not so fast (and easy).
Being Responsible
As much as I would like to hop on my bicycle and just leave everything behind, in reality, I have many obligations and responsibilities I have to settle before leaving.
Find a place for my two cats to be, a crucial position in a startup company that needs my skills, a rental lease for an apartment, need to save money, and obviously, get in shape.
These are just some examples of many more problems I will have to resolve before leaving.
One thing is clear, I need to plan and prepare.
A big journey is awaiting
It's late-night, and I am about to finish my first blog post, excited and hesitant. After all, it is not common for me to be open and share my plans and feelings with the world.
Hopefully, sharing my feeling and experiences will not just help me to reflect on my journey but will also inspire likely-minded people to go on their own journeys, whichever journeys they may be.
I am very excited about my decision to overcome some significant obstacles in my life and follow my childhood dream.
Thank you for joining me in taking the first steps toward my big journey. I have much more to share with you, but that's for next time.
Until then, Andrey.
